How many times have we caught ourselves behaving like a child, only to hear someone say, "Stop acting like a baby!" or "You're being such a baby!" It makes me laugh as I write this because it's so true. Sometimes painfully true.
When our daughter was born, my husband and I were ecstatic and overwhelmed with this huge responsibility that was so tiny. After we took her home from the hospital, the next several weeks and months were all about adjusting to this major change in our lives.
My first observation of "Adults acting like babies," was when I began to breast feed. My husband was used to being the favorite uncle with all his nieces and nephews. He is absolutely wonderful with children and they love and adore him. A newborn isn't going to play with you and their needs are pretty much all primal: eat, sleep, poop and give them lots of love. Simple right? Well, it was and it wasn't in my case. My husband wanted to participate. He belongs to the new breed of dads who want to help. For centuries, men went to work and women raised the babies and did all the nurturing.
I love being helped, but not when I'm trying to get the hang of breast feeding (which by the way, in the beginning is excruciatingly painful! How I hung in there I have no idea. At one point, I even questioned how could anyone go through this? ).
Tony, wanted to give Sophia a bottle and I insisted on breast feeding. We went back and forth like two babies arguing. He wanted to comfort, and hold Sophia and I did too, and then it became this competition between the two of us. Then I started to pump and that helped, so he could feed Sophia.
As Sophia became more alert and was responding to us with smiles, then it became about who can make her laugh or smile. I will never have my husbands quick wit, or gift to make up songs on the spot (and his vocals; although I can carry a tune for the most part) and so began a whole score card game. It was awful and I noticed how insecure I became. I saw how desperately I wanted my daughters attention and approval thru her smiles. I did see this and was able to catch myself behaving badly and nipped it in the bud. By the way, approval comes from within. Most people are so busy looking outside themselves for validation so next time you want it from anyone (even a baby), just give it to yourself. Whitney Houston said it best her song, "The Greatest Love of All." The line is: "The Greatest love of all is the love inside yourself."
It's not easy to admit and see the negative tendencies that arise within ourselves but it's a growth when you do. There were phases where Sophia preferred Tony to hold her and comfort her. She would reach her arms out for Papa and I felt like I was left out in the cold. I was concocting all sorts of dramatic scenarios about how Sophia will favor Tony and I will just be on the sidelines picking up the crumbs. My husband thought this was hilarious and actually teased me about it which fed into my insecurities even more. A few short months later, then it was all about Mama and then Tony was feeling rejected. I made sure not to tease him about it, because I didn't want to act like a baby.
You are so vulnerable, when you have your first child because you really don't know what you are doing. You are doing the best you can. And as a couple you have to find your way of relating to each other, and your baby.
Think of it this way: You are setting an example for your child. There is only one baby in the house and that is the real baby. Not you. Sure you can get a pass for the occasional acting out like a child, but ultimately we want our own children to grow up to be resilient, resourceful and independent adults who know how to handle life. If I blow a gasket every time, my toilet over flows, I am teaching my daughter that the way to handle any challenging or stressful situation is to over react and scream, curse, blame and yell. It's that simple and yet, so many people just go unconscious about their own behavior.
Sophia is two now and I'm very happy to report that there is a nice balance now between everyone. If Sophia doesn't want me to hold her or help her and prefers Papa, I remind myself not to take it personally. That's been tremendously helpful.
So be mindful and stop acting like a baby!
When our daughter was born, my husband and I were ecstatic and overwhelmed with this huge responsibility that was so tiny. After we took her home from the hospital, the next several weeks and months were all about adjusting to this major change in our lives.
My first observation of "Adults acting like babies," was when I began to breast feed. My husband was used to being the favorite uncle with all his nieces and nephews. He is absolutely wonderful with children and they love and adore him. A newborn isn't going to play with you and their needs are pretty much all primal: eat, sleep, poop and give them lots of love. Simple right? Well, it was and it wasn't in my case. My husband wanted to participate. He belongs to the new breed of dads who want to help. For centuries, men went to work and women raised the babies and did all the nurturing.
I love being helped, but not when I'm trying to get the hang of breast feeding (which by the way, in the beginning is excruciatingly painful! How I hung in there I have no idea. At one point, I even questioned how could anyone go through this? ).
Tony, wanted to give Sophia a bottle and I insisted on breast feeding. We went back and forth like two babies arguing. He wanted to comfort, and hold Sophia and I did too, and then it became this competition between the two of us. Then I started to pump and that helped, so he could feed Sophia.
As Sophia became more alert and was responding to us with smiles, then it became about who can make her laugh or smile. I will never have my husbands quick wit, or gift to make up songs on the spot (and his vocals; although I can carry a tune for the most part) and so began a whole score card game. It was awful and I noticed how insecure I became. I saw how desperately I wanted my daughters attention and approval thru her smiles. I did see this and was able to catch myself behaving badly and nipped it in the bud. By the way, approval comes from within. Most people are so busy looking outside themselves for validation so next time you want it from anyone (even a baby), just give it to yourself. Whitney Houston said it best her song, "The Greatest Love of All." The line is: "The Greatest love of all is the love inside yourself."
It's not easy to admit and see the negative tendencies that arise within ourselves but it's a growth when you do. There were phases where Sophia preferred Tony to hold her and comfort her. She would reach her arms out for Papa and I felt like I was left out in the cold. I was concocting all sorts of dramatic scenarios about how Sophia will favor Tony and I will just be on the sidelines picking up the crumbs. My husband thought this was hilarious and actually teased me about it which fed into my insecurities even more. A few short months later, then it was all about Mama and then Tony was feeling rejected. I made sure not to tease him about it, because I didn't want to act like a baby.
You are so vulnerable, when you have your first child because you really don't know what you are doing. You are doing the best you can. And as a couple you have to find your way of relating to each other, and your baby.
Think of it this way: You are setting an example for your child. There is only one baby in the house and that is the real baby. Not you. Sure you can get a pass for the occasional acting out like a child, but ultimately we want our own children to grow up to be resilient, resourceful and independent adults who know how to handle life. If I blow a gasket every time, my toilet over flows, I am teaching my daughter that the way to handle any challenging or stressful situation is to over react and scream, curse, blame and yell. It's that simple and yet, so many people just go unconscious about their own behavior.
Sophia is two now and I'm very happy to report that there is a nice balance now between everyone. If Sophia doesn't want me to hold her or help her and prefers Papa, I remind myself not to take it personally. That's been tremendously helpful.
So be mindful and stop acting like a baby!
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